My husband HATES it when we match.
Hate is such a strong word…so maybe I should say: strongly-dislikes-it-and-will-go-change-when-it-accidentally-happens.
Don’t believe me? In this picture, he didn’t have time to change. Look at that face.
I don’t know what it is. Maybe something happened in childhood that scarred him?
Oh wait. Maybe I’m actually thinking of my childhood.
But then this happened:
And it wasn’t an accident. He knew what I was wearing and picked a tie accordingly (I know it’s not the exact same shade of green but you gotta start somewhere).
Why? Why would he willingly choose to coordinate with me when it really is not his preference?
He wanted to make me happy.
Yeah, it’s a little thing but that little thing meant something to me.
There’s a phrase that you may have heard in your pre-marital class or at a marriage seminar…“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”
I understand the sentiment behind it but I feel like it is missing something.
This past Saturday morning, I attended my cousin’s wedding (which resulted in the above matching sari/tie picture but that is besides the point). It was beautiful…the church, the reception hall, the bridesmaids and of course, the bride. She was definitely the star of the show, especially as she walked in, but I couldn’t help but look at my cousin, the groom, too.
He couldn’t contain his emotions as he waited for his bride.
I am pretty sure his thought wasn’t “My wife is going to make me so holy”. We choose our life partner because there is something about them that makes us…happy. And that’s not a bad thing.
In Genesis, the first marriage was formed by God not because He was trying to make Adam holy. Adam had not sinned yet. God wanted a companion…a helper…for Adam. Since the animals didn’t seem to exactly fit what He had in mind, God CREATED a woman for that purpose. Interestingly and unfortunately, Eve influenced Adam in a way that actually caused him to be further away from holiness.
Of course, we know that was never God’s intent when He created Eve. She made her choice and her husband did too.
And don’t get me wrong, marriage is one of the greatest refiners (aka holiness makers) of my life and if you are married, I bet you could say the same. Unfortunately, my husband sees the most human, emotional, irrational, selfish and petty side of me that no one else may see. And when I see that side coming out of me, I come face to face with the fact of what is actually in me…and it pushes me towards repentance and asking God to keep molding this clay.
But then I know the other side too…that my husband matching with me on Saturday along with a hundred other things doesn’t contribute to my holiness, it enhances my happiness.
Paul called the believers in Philippi his “joy and crown”. (Philippians 4:1) This is the same man who counted everything as loss compared to knowing Jesus and he is right. But he also recognized the place that certain people have in our lives.
My husband is not THE source of my happiness. Only God can be my source for true joy. But Lance is a RESOURCE used by God to make my journey of life a lot more fun…and happy. And I want to be the same for him.
If you are married, you have a powerful place in your husband’s life. What you do can certainly draw him closer to God…and closer to you. And that’s a happy place to be. Matching or not.