Have you ever had a life changing conversation? I have.
Years ago, I had lunch with an elder at my church. I talked, she listened. I shared…my thoughts, my fears. All very real and very raw.
And you know what? It was life changing. Not on the outside (no one even noticed)…but on the inside.
I hope I don’t sound like a basket case, but for the first time (from someone other than my husband)…I felt understood.
It was freeing.
In a recent post by Proverbs 31 Ministries, author Mary DeMuth writes about “Life-changing conversations.” The basis of her post stems from one verse.
“Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude” (1 Peter 3:8).
Mary DeMuth offers five points to keep in mind if you find yourself on the receiving end of one of these conversations.
1. Be of one mind.
How do we do this? We listen. We ask tender, open-ended questions — not as reporters, but as students, learners. We don’t push for immediate disclosure, but trust the Holy Spirit to open up a safe space between us.
2. Sympathize.
To sympathize is to validate one’s devastation. This is not the time to apply Bible Band-Aids or revert to Christian clichés. There is power in weeping alongside or even saying nothing at all. Job’s friends demonstrated their initial kindness through silence — it was later they tormented Job, blaming him for suffering.
3. Love.
Love is tangible. I listened to a mom whose daughter had been molested in a church context. She lamented that nearly no one helped them. No one prayed in the moment. No one offered to listen. No one brought meals or showed up during the court process. One of the most powerful things you can do for someone suffering is to uncover a tangible need — and do what you possibly can to meet it.
4. Be tenderhearted.
The Greek word Peter uses here is eusplanchnoi, which means “live with guts.” It’s to trust your gut instinct about how you’d like to be treated if the situation were reversed. Look at past interactions when someone lacked tenderheartedness toward you and reverse-engineer their response: How would you like to have been treated instead?
5. Embrace humility.
To be humble is to have a modest opinion of yourself. In humility, you don’t strive to fix someone, nor do you make the hurting person your personal project. Knowing you’re both image bearers of God, you walk alongside, sharing in their suffering.
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A life changing conversation isn’t always about what is said…sometimes it’s about what is understood.
-Binu
