I don’t know where you find yourself today, but I want to encourage you to not listen to the lies of the enemy that brings condemnation, fear, shame, and doubt. Jesus took the weight of all of that on the cross when he died. God knows exactly what you are going through and He is working out a plan for your good and for His glory. The cross of Christ has the final word over your life.
“Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.”
Colossians 2:8-10, 13-15 NLT