Twenty years.
Who are those kids in that tux and wedding gown? It’s hard to believe but tomorrow, Lance and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary. It’s been a good 18 years (that was not a typo – :-)).
We are like a lot of couples who went through the typical newlywed adjustments … and then some. But thankfully, we finally figured some things out. Is our marriage perfect now? Nope but we’re a long way from where we were.
Here are 20 things I’ve learned in my 20 years of marriage:
- My husband can’t read my mind. Still. If I want something, I need to tell him.
- Some things really aren’t that big of a deal.
- I’m not perfect and I can’t expect him to be either.
- If I wouldn’t talk to him a certain way in public, then I shouldn’t do it in private either.
- If I initiate prayer, that doesn’t undermine his role as the spiritual leader. It supports it.
- Choose 1-2 wise, godly women to talk to for marriage advice, with the intent to help resolve an issue – not so you can bash your husband.
- Be polite. Say please and thank you, even if it’s for something he does every day.
- How would you want your future daughter-in-law to treat your son? Treat your husband like that.
- You each have strengths. If you are better at paying the bills, you handle that. If he is better at decorating the Christmas tree, let him do that. (True stories).
- Teamwork really does make the dream work. Help each other out.
- Give him space. If he’s not a morning person, don’t try to engage him in a deep discussion the second he opens his eyes. If he’s a contemplator, don’t rush him for an answer.
- Be his biggest fan. Compliment him – celebrate him – cheer him on.
- If you see something at the store that you think he’d like, get it for him. Little surprises are fun too.
- Love his family the way you want him to love yours.
- Getting irritated with each other happens – how you react is the key.
- Have good couples around you.
- What’s important to him may not be important to you but respect his preferences (aka don’t spill coffee in his car – another true story).
- Trust his heart toward you. When you don’t understand why he did something, ask (without an attitude).
- Your relationship with God will impact your relationship with your spouse. You are a better wife when you stay connected to your Heavenly Father.
- Remember why you married him.
Ephesians 5 (TPT) 32 Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great and sacred mystery—meant to be a vivid example of Christ and his church. 33 So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself. And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband.
Still learning but seeing a little more clearly now than I did before…
~Anu
