Confession: I was a big fan of the show “Friends”. (Please don’t judge me.) If you are willing to admit that you were too, which “friend” did you relate to the most?
If you have known me for 2 months or 2 decades, it probably didn’t take long to figure out that I am Monica.
Cleaning makes me happy (True story: I was so excited to start using my new Swiffer duster that I actually took a pic with it.) Everything has a home and every space has a coaster. And bonus, I married my best friend, too. 🙂
If you want something done, you don’t ask Rachel. You ask Monica. If you want to go to the museum, you don’t ask Joey. You ask Ross. If you want someone to sing at your wedding, you ask Phoebe … well, maybe. (IYKYK)
The point is that each friend had their “thing”, and we loved them for it. The group worked well because of it.
Let’s get back to real life now. I’ll admit that I had some high expectations for my friends. I wanted EACH ONE to be ALL the things I needed – my advisor/ministry teammate/shopping buddy/accountability partner/etc.. That was a lot for one person. And very unrealistic.
After being disappointed yet again by someone, my sister, Binu, gave me a great analogy: “People are like shoes. You have different shoes for different needs. One person isn’t going to be able to be everything you need.”
My winter boots aren’t a good choice for the Texas summers and my heels wouldn’t be good for working out. It’s doable but not recommended. Why? I could get hurt that way.
When I look to a particular person for something that he or she just can’t deliver, I’m setting myself up to get hurt. It isn’t that they don’t want to (which maybe they don’t)….sometimes it’s that they really can’t. It’s just not them.
If you know my sister (same one as the shoe analogy giver and actually my only sister), you know that she is always willing to help … a meal, encouraging phone calls & prayers, hosting people in her home – Binu does it all.
Well, almost all.
Don’t ask her to help you organize or pack. It’s just not her thing. Binu will watch your kids while you do those things but will steer clear of the boxes and packing tape.
Me on the other hand? I’m happy to help you organize or pack, but please don’t ask me to watch your kids – it stresses me out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be completely entertaining during the entire babysitting experience, so it is mentally & physically exhausting to me. (I love children though, I promise!)
We want people to understand us and why we don’t do certain things. We need to do the same for them. However, this isn’t a ONE SIZE FITS ALL process. There are times we should STEP out of our comfort zone to help someone in need or simply just to connect with them.
I’m better than I was but am still a work in progress on all of this. Even recently, I had to WALK through the entire “people are like shoes” process. If you can relate, TRY IT ON FOR SIZE and let me know if it FITS your situation. (Puns intended and put in caps just in case you didn’t catch it.)
I am thankful for the friends who encourage me in ministry. I am thankful for the friends who go to Ross with me. I am thankful for the friends who like to play board games. I am thankful for the friends who enjoy talking about politics & religion.
I am thankful for the friends who let me vent. I am thankful for the friends who call me out. I am thankful for the friends who like to laugh. I am thankful for the friends who like to have deep talks.
I am thankful for the friends that I connect with daily on group chats. I am thankful for the friends that even if I don’t see them often, we can still pick right back up where we left off.
I am thankful for the friends who know how I am wired, and still love me regardless.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.”
~Anu
