When I was first getting to know my husband, we would have long conversations over meals. Our intention from the beginning was marriage, so there was no question on where we stood.
I wasn’t trying to interview him, but since we were on the road to making a commitment, there were deep questions I needed answers to. To avoid scaring him away, I had a one-liner I would use when introducing tough topics.
“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about…”
By then, he had heard that line enough times to know that it was time to dish out some truth and plunge into deep waters.
I can still picture his amused expression and sense his internal eye-rolling. “Oh, man”, he probably thought, “here we go again.”
“All right, what’s on your list today?” He asked.
I laughed…and pulled out my list from under the table. That day’s topic was anger.
“So, what kind of things make you angry?”, “How do you express your anger?”
I think he was anxious for the waiter to come interrupt…but no such rescue.
There I was, trying to pull out some truth and dig below the surface to really understand the kind of person he was.
I don’t remember being interrogated in the same way, but he could discern enough about me from the personality profile test he had me take early on.
In the early years of our marriage, when I came home from work and asked him how his day was, the response was usually “good” or “fine”. I, on the other hand, would proceed to go into full detail about my day from the time I clocked in to my long drive home.
It was interesting to see how our communication methods differed.
Relationship expert Dr. Gary Smalley says that one of the four greatest needs of a woman is the need for regular meaningful communication. So true, right?
God has made me in such a way that I appreciate when my husband actively listens to what I want to express without interrupting.
In his book, The Richest Man Who Every Lived, Steven K. Scott says that women speak an average of 25,000-50,000 words a day and men speak almost half of that!
I have made the mistake of talking too much or at the wrong time, and it has cost me.
The opposite is also true. When I didn’t speak up, like when I’ve bottled up frustration, I’ve suffered the consequences for it.
I have come to realize that I need guidance from the Holy Spirit in how I speak to my husband and the words I choose.
Proverbs 15:4 says “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (KJV). Life! The words that I wisely choose, whether we are in a good place or in the middle of a disagreement, can bring life to my husband. That is powerful.
Proverbs 15:28 says ,”The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” (NIV). I need to do better to “weigh” my words. Is it timely? Is it too much?
We’ve all said the wrong thing at least once in our lives, so we know the toll it can take. Communication is important in marriage, but essential in ANY relationship. Is there something that has been left unsaid or NEEDS to be spoken?
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your speech…weigh those words and let it bring life to the people around you.
~Elizabeth (Betsy)
