When was the last time you forgave someone? When was the last time someone forgave you?
Maybe it’s best to clarify – what does forgiveness really mean anyway?
The first definition that appears on the world wide web is this one by Oxford: “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.” Merriam-Webster describes it similarly: “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)”.
Oh, if it were that easy.
When I think back to a couple of different situations I went through, I said that I forgave them, and truly believed I meant it. However, the fact is that I still “feel” a certain way when I hear their names. I certainly don’t wish them any harm, but my heart hurts when I think about them and what happened.
While I appreciate Oxford & Merriam-Webster (hey, I never wrote a dictionary), I looked to scripture for more guidance. The Greek word for forgive is aphesis, which means dismissal, release, pardon; releasing someone from obligation or debt.
Notice in that particular definition, forgiveness does not depend on a feeling. As Christ followers, we are simply commanded to forgive … no matter what we feel … no matter how many times they have wronged us.
Luke 17:4 Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you MUST forgive.
Again … if it were that easy …
In the Lord’s prayer, Jesus asks the Father to “forgive our debts, AS we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). If we are being real, would we want God to forgive us the way we forgive others? I think most of us would say a resounding NO. “We forgive those who sin against us so poorly, slowly, and stingily. What we want is lavish forgiveness and lavish love, but we don’t want to give it.” (Quote from “Where Prayer Becomes Real”)
It may help to understand that forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior. They should still be held accountable and experience consequences for their actions. It also doesn’t require putting yourself in harm’s way over and over again. Forgiveness doesn’t guarantee reconciliation.
In scripture, we don’t necessarily have a step-by-step guide for each situation we may encounter, but in addition to forgiving, we are instructed over and over again to show grace (Colossians 4:6), mercy (Matthew 5:7) and love (1 Corinthians 13). It is also clear that there are times we need to draw boundary lines (Romans 16:17). We must be as “wise as serpents, and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16) because sometimes we are dealing with people with ill-intent and evil motives.
Above all, pray. Anything God asks us to do, He is willing to help us do it. Ask Him for wisdom in how to handle the specific situation. Ask Him to remove the bitterness and heal the wounds caused by the offender. Ask God to give you a heart to forgive others the way He forgave and continues to forgive us.
~Anu
