Dot my i’s. Cross my t’s. Line everything up in a row. Yep, that’s how I roll.
But I’ve learned time and again how that is not always best.
As you gasp from shock, let me explain why. What I’ve described is so much more than a personality type. The word that comes into play here is perfection.
This is the state of being I strive for so that there are no errors, no cracks. The only thing is that life is not perfect. I know this. But I don’t like it … to the point where I become succumbed with anger wondering how things turn out the way they do when I do all the right things.
Bingo. There lies the heart of the issue: the word I.
Pride drives this perfection because I managed to convince myself that I am in control of things:
If I read a multitude of parenting books, my children will be perfect.
If I attend marriage conferences, my marriage will be perfect.
If I take vitamins and supplements and spray Lysol everywhere constantly, my health will be perfect.
Following an equation without trusting God wholeheartedly was my downfall. I didn’t do it intentionally, but when I read over my statements, there’s no mention of Him, is there?
But come on, it’s a given I believe how my children are entrusted to me by God, that my marriage is from God, and how my health is in God’s hands.
Well then, why am I huffing and puffing when life gets a little messy and it doesn’t seem to be in my control?
Proverbs 26:12 asks, “Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them.”
I am reminded of the parable in Matthew 7:24-27 about the two builders: one who was wise and one who was foolish. The wise man built his house upon the rock and the foolish man built his house upon the sand. When the storm came, the house on the rock stood firm, while the house on the sand went tumbling down. They each had a choice on what kind of foundation to build their house. Each choice seemed right in their own eyes. Yet, each one had a different outcome.
Wow. Talk about eating a piece of humble pie. I had been thinking pridefully. Lord, please forgive me for being proud. Instead of thinking “I’ve got this in the bag”, let the posture of my heart be to trust You wholeheartedly and may the humble prayer of my heart be “Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10 KJV).
~Joyce
Photo Credit: freestock on Unsplash
