Along with recess and pizza day, ‘Show & Tell’ always made for a fun time at school. One particular morning, I planned to share my recent vacation adventure with my fourth grade class. When my turn FINALLY came, I walked excitedly toward the front, only to hear a little boy groan and complain, “Ugh… she is going to take FOREVER.”
I sheepishly smiled, trying not to appear bothered by his comment. Once I started talking, I quickly glanced at him, wondering if my little tale had won him over.
It had not. He could not have looked more bored.
I don’t recall thinking about this incident too much after that. However, some similar experiences in college cemented in me a fear of talking too much. Insecurity had taken root.
Fast forward to the present. While I certainly have asked God to keep me humble, I recognize my insecurity will stop me from showing or telling, even now. Humility and insecurity can be confused because they look similar on the outside. Nevertheless, what is happening on the inside reveals a different story.
The life of King Saul provides a good example. We are introduced to him in 1 Samuel 9 when God sent Samuel to anoint him as king. When Samuel even starts the conversation, Saul is at a loss as to why. “Saul answered, ‘But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why do you say such a thing to me?’” 1 Samuel 9:21 (NIV)
Once it was time to present Saul to the people as their king, he is nowhere to be found. “So they inquired further of the Lord, ‘Has the man come here yet?’ And the Lord said, ‘Yes, he has hidden himself among the supplies.’” 1 Samuel 10:22 (NIV)
Was Saul being humble? Possibly. He downplays his tribe and distances himself from the spotlight. But as the narrative continues, it seems Saul also struggled with insecurity.
When he saw “the men were scattering” from him, Saul offered a sacrifice instead of waiting on Samuel like he was supposed to (1 Samuel 13:11). He was angry when the people sang songs about David’s victories over “tens of thousands”, compared to his “thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7). Saul became so jealous of David that he tried to kill him multiple times.
I would venture to say that we all want to be humble, not insecure. We can mask our insecurity temporarily but like Saul, it will seep out in various forms when we are pressed. How can we tell the difference between the two?
•Humility doesn’t think too highly of ourselves. Insecurity thinks too lowly of ourselves.
“God has given me grace to speak a warning about pride. I would ask each of you to be emptied of self-promotion and not create a false image of your importance. Instead, honestly assess your worth by using your God-given faith as the standard of measurement, and then you will see your true value with an appropriate self-esteem.” Romans 12:3 TPT•
Humility steps back for the sake of others. Insecurity hides for the sake of ourselves.
“… Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 ESV
•Humility accepts our strengths so we can serve others. Insecurity amplifies our weaknesses and makes excuses.
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.” Romans 12:6-8 NIV
Saul’s story ended tragically, but our stories aren’t over. When we surrender our insecurities to God, His power is made perfect in our weakness. Acknowledging Him as our source helps our hearts remain humble, too. That’s good news for you and me … and something worth telling others about.
~Anu
: Nameless Collaborative Magnitude Retreat
