My son wanted to see the “list”.
Years before I met my husband, I had written down all the qualities I was looking for in a spouse.
My kids learned about this list and my son had been begging to see it.
So there we were on the car ride home from church when I pulled out the folded-up, tattered, ink-smeared paper out of my purse and read it to my family.
The kids giggled as I read each dream trait aloud, trying to see if Daddy checked all the boxes.
-Accepted Jesus into his heart and loves God more than me? Check!
-Adventurous? Check!
-Humorous? Check!
-Social? Check!
Do you know where “Good Looking” sat?
#26
Sitting there in the car that day, I realized that TWENTY-FIVE other qualities made the list before #26 came along.
Now, before anyone jumps to any conclusions, let it be clear that there are still days my heart skips a beat when I see my husband. So being attracted to my spouse was definitely an important quality I was looking for back then.
But, even then I knew that there’s more to a person that just his looks.
We all know how our eyes can deceive us. Even the author of Psalm 119 says this:
“Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.” (Psalm 119:37)
Becoming emotionally attached or attracted to someone – online or in person- other than your spouse can lead to poor choices.
Easy online access to communicate with people outside of our marriage can test our faithfulness in marriage and even our purity.
We need to guard our covenant relationships like our lives depend on it. Here are a few lessons I have learned along the way to avoid any traps that could affect my marriage:
1. The second look is dangerous
Have you come across a racy billboard on the way to work or an ad that pops up while you’re scrolling? Well, you may not be able to avoid the first look…but you can control the second one.
The second look is the hook that gets your mind wanting to “explore further”. Stop the curiosity in its tracks and look away. Avoid movies or apps that can lead to temptation.
Have a co-worker that you’re emotionally attached to? Run…like Joseph did (Genesis 39:12).
2. Go on dates.
Re-kindle the friendship and romance by intentionally looking into your spouse’s eyes over a cup of coffee or a meal. He’s the same guy you were swooning over just a few years ago.
To be honest, some days when my husband suggests going out, I’d prefer to stay home and get some chores done, but I’ve realized that my marriage should always take priority.
3. Pray as a couple.
My husband and I have actively prayed over our marriage once a week since we got married. We are both human and there is no shortage of temptations for both of us. So we pray against any schemes of the enemy regarding our relationship.
Ladies, I don’t have a perfect marriage. No one does. But I pray that our marriage draws us closer to the God who brought us together.
Back to my list: The #1 trait I was looking for in a future spouse was that he must love God more than he loves me.
What I’ve learned is that if your man has that one down, the other qualities that you dream of in a spouse will flow out of that love.
~Elizabeth/Betsy
