I still remember when I felt prompted by the Lord to leave my career and become a stay at home mom. It was unexpected and certainly not something I had ever imagined doing. Yet, it felt right and I was excited to take the leap of faith.
While I enjoyed being home with my babies, I was not prepared for what was going to happen to my mindset. Suddenly, I felt that I had to compensate for the income that I was not bringing home. I didn’t know how to do that except to be on ALL the time. I literally found something to do EVERY waking hour of the day. I kept a running mental list of all the tasks I accomplished each day AND I felt the need to recite this list to my husband daily. Mind you, he didn’t ask or even care … BUT I cared.
Before I knew it, I was going and going … like the Energizer bunny (for those of you mature enough to remember him). In the process, I didn’t pause. It didn’t matter if I was exhausted. I told myself that I didn’t deserve to … (dare I say the R word?) … rest.
Years deep in this pattern, I found myself in unbearable pain … to the point where I could hardly move. And before I knew it, I was laid up in bed recovering from an unexpected surgery … it was the worst timing ever. Even more challenging was the news that I would need to rest for at least THREE weeks.
That was blasphemy to me right there. Did my doctor understand that I had people to see, places to go, and things to do??? What a preposterous thing for her to say! To my dismay, my body agreed with this news. Even if I wanted to do something, I couldn’t because of the pain and lethargy.
There I found myself in bed for three weeks as friends and family streamed in with meals, taking care of my children, and folding laundry. I still recall that while I was sulking, my dear friend encouraged me to just rest in the Lord. She even suggested that perhaps this unforeseen event would help me create a new rhythm that incorporated rest.
Honestly, I didn’t like what she said, but I knew that was a word from the Lord. Two things were revealed to me since. The first was that I had to let go of the unhealthy thoughts entangled with guilt and lack of self-worth. The reality was that I have been walking in obedience to what God called me to do. He provides for our needs and He does not need me to prove myself.
Secondly, while I had convinced myself for so long that rest was unnecessary, the reality is that we serve Almighty God who modeled taking a day of rest after His work of creation in Genesis 2:1-4. When discussing the practice of Sabbath delight in The Emotionally Healthy Leader, author Peter Scazzero says, “… we embrace our limits. We let go of the illusion that we are indispensable to the running of the world. We recognize we will never finish all our goals and projects, and that God is on the throne, managing quite well in ruling the universe without our help.”
To rest means that you stop doing so you can just BE WITH the Lord and ABIDE IN the Lord: “… joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, … make yourselves at home with me …” (John 15:7-8 MSG)
Dear Friend, may the following be said of you and me: “Truly my soul finds rest in God;” (Psalm 62:1 NIV)
~Joyce
