Here’s some honest truth from this side of the screen.

I have been in a valley for a while. It’s not the scary kind, but it’s still a low point. Many of our posts last year told the story of how several of us lost our Pastor due to Covid. Our family fasted and prayed for him. We completely believed for his healing and were left in utter shock when we heard of his passing. As a healthcare provider, I knew what his report said, and I knew it was not good. I still wholeheartedly believe that God was setting the stage for a phenomenal miracle.

His passing left a very large hole in all of our lives. As sad as our family was, I cannot imagine the trauma that his family was going through. Going to church was a reminder of his absence. My prayer time became a reminder of my unanswered prayers. I would still read my Bible and pray every morning, but every morning my mind would wander…I began to marinate on all of the unanswered prayers in my life. Yes, marinate- not just a quick dip or recap- I would full on soak in the “what ifs” of these unanswered prayers.

I know the things to say- I know all of the OTHER answered prayers in my life. I can even list off a few prayers that were answered during the time that we were praying for our Pastor. But these prayers that remain unanswered are big ticket items- not just a close parking spot in Target- things that could genuinely change someone’s life- and show off who God really is.

I knew I was struggling in my faith. I told God that I was struggling, but I still promised to meet him every morning in my prayer time. I kept coming everyday- sometimes it was good, and sometimes it was bad. I questioned if my issues even mattered to God. I neglected my worship music in the car. Football season started, and I immersed myself in sports radio instead. I would much rather hear about how the NFL season was playing out than listen to a song that would rip open my wound.

I walked into this year fully aware that I was still struggling, but I kept praying that I would hear God again. I needed something to remind me that, yes, God is good. I know that faith is a journey, not a destination, but I just felt like I was going backwards, not forward. I heard a sermon that said if you said if you don’t think you’re hearing from God, go back to the last place that you heard from him.

So, this morning, I inadvertently did. I have been intentionally making myself tune into the Christian radio stations for a few minutes each day. This time, I heard a worship song on radio that we I played on repeat during our fast for our Pastor. It took me back to a prayer meeting at church, when I was crying out for his supernatural healing. I was driving to work thinking/praying for 2 of my friends that were in the ICU. I was thinking about my sweet friends struggling with Covid. I was thinking about my family, and thinking about how all of these people need a touch from God. I was talking to God, and this song came out of nowhere. Here I was again, asking for another supernatural healing. I came empty handed again and God responded “I’m here.”

I want to encourage you, if you find yourself walking backwards in your journey- God is still there. If you’re struggling, like me, stay strong in your struggle. Keep yourself fed in the word. Go back to the last place where you heard from him. You’ll hear from him again.