I vividly remember a season of my life when I had a real crisis.  

During this season I fasted, I prayed, I came into agreement with God’s word and with others, and I went to every prayer meeting and Bible study there was.  I really believed God’s word, and I had a faith that could move mountains.   

I don’t think there was anything that I did not do to try to get my prayers answered.  But God did not answer me in the way that I had hoped.  

During that season I had a decision to make.  Was God still on the throne? Or did the answer to that depend on what God did for me?  

This was a really heart wrenching time for me.  I chose to rest in God’s sovereignty and in His love for me.  I came to rest in the fact that there are some things that I may never understand on this side of eternity.  

Was God still good to me? 

Absolutely.  

I had so much to be grateful for.  And even in this difficult season, I could feel His tangible presence almost daily.  While I walked through this season, I knew I was not alone.  I have never felt closer to God than I did during this time.  

In the scripture, we see John the Baptist wrestling with his own questions about whether Jesus was who he said he was.  John was put in prison because he was preaching and leading the way for Jesus.  And after some time, he started to grow weary.  He sent his disciples to find Jesus and ask him some questions.

In Luke 7:20‭, we read “When the men came to Jesus, they said, “John the Baptist sent us to you to ask, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’ ” 

Ouch.  That was a strong accusation that John had for Jesus.  He actually was questioning whether Jesus was truly the Messiah that He had been preaching about.

The scripture goes on to say in verses 21-23 “At that very time Jesus cured many who had diseases, sicknesses and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind.  So he replied to the messengers, “Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.”

Jesus’ response to John the Baptist’s followers is so on point.  Even though John was imprisoned and would eventually die there, the gospel message was still being preached.  

The blind were receiving sight, the lame were walking, the lepers were being cleansed, and the deaf were able to hear.  Lives were being changed.

Even when I don’t understand, I must continue to trust God.  He sees and understands things that I may never understand.

If you are walking through something heavy, and you are not seeing God answer you the way you would like, I hope you can lean into the goodness and faithfulness of God.  Even when you don’t understand it, know that you can trust him with the outcome.

And as for my story, even though my prayer was not answered as I wanted, God still provided and continues to provide me with joy, peace, and an abundance of His goodness that amazes me every day.