I was sitting at my husband’s desk, very pregnant with our first child, when the results of my exam glared at me from his computer.
“Fail”
I had taken a major exam that was critical for my career, and we had been waiting weeks for this moment. A “pass” meant I could move forward. A failing score meant my career was on hold for a while. This was not what we expected.
My husband comforted me as my tears flowed. Time seemed to stand still. He stayed quiet as I asked and stated the obvious…”How?”, “What are we going to do?”, “I’m tired of studying!”
And then, he prayed. We didn’t have the answers, but we did the only thing we could do in what seemed liked a hopeless moment. You’ve been there…that moment when it seems like the only way is uphill, you feel that your strength is waning, and the only thought you have is…”How can I go on?”
That’s where I was that day.
But, we found the strength. I lived in the library for the next few weeks and turned down invitations to events. My poor husband fed himself and survived in my absence. He was so supportive and encouraging.
When I finally got my “pass” results, I could only give glory to God with my tears.
When you have found success after failure, you realize that it’s not your own strength or merit that got you there. I go to work today, knowing that I am only there because of God’s grace. My testimony not only includes failure, but also unexplained doors opening.
Oh, but I can explain them, actually. It is God picking me up and carrying me in my lowest moments. The words from one of my mom’s favorite hymns, “How Great Thou Art” comes to mind when I think of Christ’s death. But, I also think of how great God is when I remember His faithfulness during some of my toughest moments:
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to take away my sin
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art”