After experiencing 2020 & 2021, I had high hopes for 2022. Surely, it could only get better, right?
It actually started out pretty good. My mask was getting a little dusty on the bottom of my purse from lack of usage. I completed a training program at a local church. After dealing with some health challenges, my family was overall doing well.
My ministry projects were thriving, too. Whispers & Fringes had a weekly virtual Bible study with women from all over who were faithful to attend and engage. I was writing devotionals and teaching God’s word. I even started working for my church as the marriage ministry coordinator.
But then it hit me. Suddenly, what I used to look forward to doing was becoming more of a burden. I felt empty, and everything that came out of me seemed forced. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I felt spiritually depleted. I had lost my joy.
With the support of my wonderful Whispers & Fringes team, I decided to take 6 months off from writing & teaching. During that time, we also decided to put a pause on the weekly Bible studies, so the team could catch their breath too.
I was excited for my season of rest. My husband, Lance, and I had a trip planned to one of our favorite places. The time off and away was going to be good. I was ready to get back into God’s word just for myself. I wanted to read more and spend unhurried time in prayer. I was ready to get refueled and refreshed.
I had no idea what was coming.
Without getting into details, soon after I started my sabbatical, I entered into one of the most difficult experiences of my life. Thankfully, I had the support of my husband and close people around me, but for months, it felt like I was in the wilderness.
I couldn’t understand why I was going through what I was going through. Even though it was so heavy, I knew God was with me.
Before Jesus started His earthly ministry, there was a beautiful moment at His baptism. “.. a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son,whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17, NIV)
That’s why what happened next was surprising: “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” (Matthew 4:1, NIV)
After 30 years of obscurity, Jesus was ready to move forward with His mission. But first … He was led … by the Spirit … into the wilderness … to be tempted.
Jesus was God, but He was also human. In Matthew 4, the temptations presented to Him by the enemy are things that we face too:
- “Tell these stones to become bread” (vs 3) – Listen to your flesh, not the Spirit.
- “Throw yourself down” (vs 5-6) – Test God. (Jesus saw the heart of this temptation and responded accordingly. Yes, God is all-powerful, but we can’t do foolish things and not expect natural consequences.)
- “Bow down and worship me” (vs 9) – Don’t put God first.
In my wilderness season, I can honestly say I encountered each of these temptations. I wanted to sulk, retaliate and focus on things that would temporarily distract me. And there were times that I fell into these temptations.
If Jesus had given in, eternity would have been changed forever. Thankfully, He didn’t. In fact, He showed us how to deal with it: fasting, prayer, and reflecting on and responding with the Word.
Just because we are in the wilderness doesn’t mean we can’t be fruitful.
After 40 days, Jesus got to work. “Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.” (Matthew 4:23, NIV)
I wish I didn’t have to go through what I went through, but I recognize that God was at work in me through it all. It wasn’t the season of rest that I was hoping for, but once it was said and done, I became stronger spiritually. My faith and dependence on God grew in a different way.
And there was more waiting on the other side that I wasn’t even aware of, but God knew. Just last week, my husband and I were commissioned as ministers at our home church.
If the enemy had taken me out during my wilderness season, I wouldn’t be experiencing the joy of the harvest that was years and years in the making.
Have you been led into a wilderness season? Or did you get there by your own decisions that you realize now were not wise? Either way, God is with you. Either way, lean into Him so you can get stronger.
Your mission awaits.
~ Anu
