This is me being transparent (again).

I’m not sure if anyone else feels this way- if you fight against the same feelings that I wrestle with.

As I reflect back on the events around the world in the last month, my heart sinks.  Dallas, Nice, Germany, Japan to name a few.  As I plan events with my kids this summer, I second guess whether we should even go. Even something as simple as taking the kids to the movies conjures up feelings of anxiety.  When I am alone at work, my heart begins to race with every unfamiliar sound.  At times I feel like fear is all around me.

Last week, we went out as a family. In the midst of running errands, we decided to stop and grab lunch.  I won’t say where we stopped, but it rhymes with ‘Sin and Shout’.  When we walked up to the door, a customer was leaving and held the door open for not just us but several people ahead of and behind us. ‘How nice’, I thought.  We stood in line debating what to order, and I looked at the guy behind us and told him to go ahead in front of us.  It would take a few minutes to get our order figured out between us and the kids.  He was surprised by my gesture and went ahead of us and ordered. After ordering, he sat down at the last available booth.  He saw us wandering through the restaurant looking for a place to sit. He immediately got up and said “Sit here, it will be easier for you guys.” As we sat and ate, I noticed an elderly couple come in.  The man was on a cane and was shuffling through the aisles.  The wife was walking through the restaurant looking for a place to seat him before she stood in line to order.  The two men at the table next to us  got up and graciously offered their seats to this couple.

I commented to my husband about all the nice people that were out that afternoon.  Nice gestures.  Random acts of kindness that made a difference to me.  A voice in my head said “If you don’t look for the good, all you will see is the fear around you.”

The words of Psalms 112 alleviates many of my fears:

Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in His commands.
Their children will be mighty in the land; 
The generation of the upright will be blessed.  (vs 2)

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, 
for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous. (vs 4)

They have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure, the will have no fear; (vs 7 & 8)

I have read that chapter almost everyday this week as I have wrestled with my fears.  I have even prayed it over myself.  I want to have no fear. I want to see the good around me, and I have challenged myself to BE the good where I am.  ~Shiney